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Have you ever done Cocaine?
Yes 8%  8%  [ 1 ]
No 54%  54%  [ 7 ]
Adir 38%  38%  [ 5 ]
Total votes : 13
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 Post subject: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 3:17:42 am 
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Ok so I am making this thread for 3 reasons:

1) I love this forum, it has been a large part of my life, for the last 8 years, which is 40% of my entire life and I will always have a huge love for this place
2) The 'realisation moment' I have just had is so powerful I wanted to share it with someone, and it's gonna take more than 140 characters so I cant tweet it
3) I've just snorted exactly 5 grams (£200, $312) of cocaine by myself in my room in the last 7 hours and 48 minutes and if you have used cocaine before you will know it makes you think everybody wants to listen to what you have to say when in fact they probably don't.

Anyway, hope you're ready for a life story. When I was 17 I first tried cocaine. I thought it was shit. But for some reason, cos it was 'cool' and the dick heads I hung around with did it, I kept doing it and eventually found ways to enjoy it and really started to like it. I would dabble in the odd half gram (£20, $31) and it wasnt an issue. I then started hanging around with a lad named Ollie who fucking loved the stuff. We had a lot in common and both found that we had a great time buying a couple of grams (£80, $125) and getting pissed up and doing mad shit. This was when I was 18 in 2010, and slowly but surely I started prioritising getting coked up with Ollie above my girlfriend... To the point where my girlfriend came to stay at my flat so we could chill, then Ollie text me, so I told Annie I was going to the shop, when actually I jumped in Ollie's car and we went to get some coke. My phone rang Annie in my pocket and she overheard me and Ollie discussing how much we wanted to get etc.

Annie left me. I begged and pleaded, and eventually she agreed to take me back if I stopped doing coke, and I did. That was October 2010. I also changed my number so Ollie couldn't contact me. It went really well and as some of you may know, we had a baby. Her name is Summer and she's now a year old. We moved in together and I got my priorities back, worked hard, paid rent, bought nice things.

Me and Annie broke up in December 2011. For new years eve me and my best friend went to a house party where we bumped into a drug dealer called Fat Danny (pics available on request if you wanna see why he is called Fat Danny). He told me I could have a half a gram for free. I thought great, fuck it, no more Annie, why not. However Fat Danny knew what he was doing, he knew I would be back...

January 23rd 2012. My old man passed away. I got no girl, no Dad, and Annies making it hard to see my daughter. I became depressed and that weekend I hooked up with Ollie and we went to a local hotel to chill where we bumped into a drug dealer called Tim. Now Tim is the sort of guy that sells Coke by the KG. He has so much coke kicking around that the odd gram means nothing to him. He invited us to a party in his hotel room and Tim gave us a shit load of free coke. We snorted from 9pm to 11am next morning. And so it was back. I was hooked again and doing it in a lot larger quantities. I had a better job so I had more money, so I would buy more.

It went quickly from an occasional thing to once a week, twice a week, and now it's nearly every day. In my coked up state and having no money, I decided to start dealing, thinking that way I could snort my profit and it wont effect my bank balance. I would buy a quarter of an ounce for £300 ($469) and split it to 11 'dots' weighing 0.6 grams and sell them for £40. meaning I make £140 profit ($218). Seemed like a great idea. However, I didnt have a market, so I used to get bored of having coke sitting around so I would snort it all. Last weekend I sat in my room by myself and snorted 7 grams (£280, $437)... My Mum knew what I was doing so I offered to move out. Went to the very hotel where I met Tim and sat there and snorted 9 grams to myself.

To make it worse, the guy I was buying off would ask me to take his risks and he would knock money off the cost of the drugs. I sat on a train to Peterborough with 6 ounces of coke in my boxers. Shat bricks everytime I saw the Police. I was in deep.

I went to a drug help place today where the guy looked in my nose. He said if I carried on, it wont be long till the top of my septum (bit that separates nostrils) would fall out. It scared the shit out of me. This afternoon I sat in my room craving and bought some coke. I've got one line worth left and my nose is fucking killing me. It twitches randomly. And the thought of my septum going is so fucking scary. I google image searched people who have a missing septum, and let me put it this way, it's enough to scare someone who sits and bangs 9 grams up their nose into wanting to stop.

As I had nowhere to stay Annie took me in. For two days I felt like I did when we lived together before. Waking up, seeing my baby smile, having someone to cuddle at night. I didnt crave coke while I was there. I realised what I have lost and I am determined to get it back...

When I next see my drug help guy I will tell him this... If you ever thought coke was cool or great, I hope this has changed your mind. I am £2200 ($3441) in debt cos of it all. I have no girlfriend.
Coke is not cool.

Im not asking for sympathy, just wanted to share. Wish me luck in my quest to quit. Gonna bang this last line up my nose, smoke a cigarette and try to sleep. Have a good day

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 4:33:52 am 
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the first hit is always free

*edit:

some advice? it sounds like you know where you're heading, so all I want to say is to make your #1 priority: your kid. make that your motivation to stay clean, work hard and be a dad. hopefully everything will then fall back into place, and so i wish you luck.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 6:46:09 am 
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shit, man. i was gonna give you advices but youve already heard them all, i hope youll get clean, youve got a lifetime of fighting the addiction ahead of you and you cant ever stop fighting, not for a second. as hard as its gonna be i believe in you, youre a great kid. dont give up on the world. sorry to hear about your dad, i remember you uploaded pics and he seemed cool, must have been tough. good luck.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 6:49:50 am 
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I voted "Adir."


Quote:
youve got a lifetime of fighting the addiction ahead of you and you cant ever stop fighting, not for a second

This, but with appropriate apostrophe placement.

Quote:
make your #1 priority: your kid

This too.


I think about you posting that photo with the lightsaber when you were i rock socks off or whatever the fuck. Stay clean for that kid too.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 2:58:08 pm 
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So, I know i haven't been around in like... ages. But i'm always around for the big stuff. I remember when i was told you were having a baby and i was really happy about that, because although its a bit hard to understand, you all mean a lot to me, and i thought this was a good moment to remind you that.
You're young, you can still make something big of your life. All you have to do is to want it, and i think that you do.
They all say to stay clean for your daughter, but i'm gonna add, that you do it for you. You don't want to regret in a couple of years to have missed the best times with her. Kids grow up fast and the time you don't enjoy with her, you can't get it back.
You will be fine, as long as you know you want to be better :)

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 3:39:32 pm 
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You've heard it all from plenty of others I'm sure, but it does sound like you want to get clean, so good luck. I'm sure it helps to have something to focus on, make that your daughter, and obviously your health.

Take care man.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 5:42:53 pm 
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Plus, a lot of girls whose Dads are rotten/unavailable to them end up strippers and porn stars. Keep your daughter off the pole.

Sorry. It was getting too intense in here.

But I'm not lying.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 04 12 7:54:15 pm 
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YanPR wrote:
So, I know i haven't been around in like... ages. But i'm always around for the big stuff. I remember when i was told you were having a baby and i was really happy about that, because although its a bit hard to understand, you all mean a lot to me, and i thought this was a good moment to remind you that.
You're young, you can still make something big of your life. All you have to do is to want it, and i think that you do.
They all say to stay clean for your daughter, but i'm gonna add, that you do it for you. You don't want to regret in a couple of years to have missed the best times with her. Kids grow up fast and the time you don't enjoy with her, you can't get it back.
You will be fine, as long as you know you want to be better :)


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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 05 12 3:44:15 pm 
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basictheory wrote:
YanPR wrote:
So, I know i haven't been around in like... ages. But i'm always around for the big stuff. I remember when i was told you were having a baby and i was really happy about that, because although its a bit hard to understand, you all mean a lot to me, and i thought this was a good moment to remind you that.
You're young, you can still make something big of your life. All you have to do is to want it, and i think that you do.
They all say to stay clean for your daughter, but i'm gonna add, that you do it for you. You don't want to regret in a couple of years to have missed the best times with her. Kids grow up fast and the time you don't enjoy with her, you can't get it back.
You will be fine, as long as you know you want to be better :)


[2012] Nicest Board Member


Most deffo, automatic win! I feel the same though. You guys have been a huge part of my life...

Also thanks for the kind words. Things going well so far. I think the thought of my daughter becoming a stripper has hit me harder than losing my nose! Lol

EDIT: That awkward moment when you're the only person who voted Yes in the poll

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 05 12 7:34:11 pm 
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Maphis wrote:
I think the thought of my daughter becoming a stripper has hit me harder than losing my nose! Lol

EDIT: That awkward moment when you're the only person who voted Yes in the poll


LOL! Glad I could help.

Well in all seriousness, I wish you the best and you can do this. You might have made some mistakes, but you're not stupid. You just have a lot of stuff to sort out in order to understand how and why you got to this point. If you want to stay clean, you will.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 3:53:08 am 
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You've got all of our support man. Keep your head up, stay strong for your kid. She's depending on you.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 11:12:50 am 
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Your going to end up with nothing if you keep around that stuff. If you can't quit it just for yourself than do it for your daughter, she needs you. Dumbass

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 10:08:38 pm 
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Harmen wrote:
Your going to end up with nothing if you keep around that stuff. If you can't quit it just for yourself than do it for your daughter, she needs you. Dumbass


I feel lucky that I have something to motivate people. I've seen people go through this shit with nothing to quit for, and some of them have ended up in hospital having a heart attack or in prison... Anyway Harmen you're Dutch you probably sprinkle cocaine on your cornflakes!

Also if anyone is wondering why I am suddenly really active on the forum, it's because I have temporarily banished myself to my bedroom while I wait for my dealer to stop nagging and ringing and wondering why I'm not picking up lol... I've told him I've moved to Basingstoke, and that I wont be back for ages but I think he knows I'm lying because he has been going to my work asking for me, ringing my friends asking, and has knocked on my door aswell. I hope he gives up soon

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 10:10:12 pm 
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in holland frosted flakes is just crack.

ahh, old times.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 10:11:44 pm 
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Haha! I hope Dom finds this thread!

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 10:14:20 pm 
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tell your guy you're in Bruge.

oh wait. nope.

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 Post subject: Re: That Turn Around Moment
PostPosted: Aug 06 12 10:16:23 pm 
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I dont get it Zach :(

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